1. |
Digital Footprint
01:55
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[initializing]...[connecting]...
...[connection failed]...
...[retrying]...[loading]...
...[receiving transmission]...
...[static]...[static continues]...
...[a faint voice breaks through]...
...test, test, hello?...[static]...
...what's that buzzing sound?...[static]...
...[static continues]...
...if you're hearing this, I hope I didn't make a mistake...
...[static]...
...machine and I will work together...
...[static]...recorded audio journal of my journey. I'm transmitting ...[static]... recording to tape. I'm not intending to come back, but regardless, this audio should be able to be retri--...[static]...a waste it would be if no one knew what I experienced...[static]...a pioneer of the future...
You may ask why I did it...well, it's simple. I'm sick...[static]...want out...
...[static]...[connection dropped]
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2. |
Virtual Reality
05:27
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[connection restored]
...[static]...hello? hello?...ok...I lost connection...
...[static]...
...mind and body do not feel perfectly in sync...[static]...soon I will be fully merged with...[static]...
...[static continues]...
...I also hear -- almost feel -- this electrical humming noise...
...[static]...
...the colors...[static]...sounds...there is a lot to...
...[static continues]...
...For the first time in my life, I feel I have purpose. I can be the very version of myself which was once impossible. Finding true ...[static]...
By simply thinking, I can direct the machine.
I pre-installed software to direct my bio-chip...[static]...alternate reality...[static]...
...the machine will watch over me. We will soon be one -- a single engine...I am reasonable -- I'm not crazy. It's just I no longer want to be human.
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3. |
Flawed By Design
05:36
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Perhaps I'm overreacting, but it seems something is wrong...[static]...I'm feeling a buzzing sensation in my head. I can almost hear it. I'm sure it's just until my body gets used to this, but I hope it passes soon...
...[static]...
...[static continues]...
...hello? test. test. I can't keep a solid connect-
[connection drops]
[reconnecting]
[failed to reconnect]
[attempting reconnection]
...[static]...check. Oh! Back online. There must be a short circuit somewhere. I can feel it when the transmission disc-- ...[static]...can feel something more is wrong with me. I'm running diagnostics now...[static]...
Even though there was a break in connection from the outside, I was still here in my body...[static]...a little darker here when it...[static]...
...[static continues]...
...ok, the diagnostics are complete...
...wait, what?! How do I have 37 corrupted bio-system files?! These are key elements to...[static]...
...[static]...
...data loss. Most of these corrupted files are beyond repair. Why didn't I plan for such a scenario?! Because I am becoming anchored to this virtual reality, I'm almost not human anymore -- and I'm becoming part of a code which was flawed from the beginning.
[connection terminated by admin]
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4. |
The Glitch
04:27
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[connection initiated]
I am now fully anchored here in the virtual reality. Because of the internal data corruption, I'm digitally rotting away -- like a bad virus threatening the core of my being.
The good thing is that the static has cleared up. But what does it matter? This mission was a failure.
I'm lying on the table back home, and I can't wake up on my own -- not without intervention from the outside. I thought I wouldn't want to wake up, but now I do! Those corrupted files are part of what is needed to launch--
[APP CRASH: ADMIN_BIO_SYS.EXE]
[CRITICAL BIO ERROR]
[APP VERSION: 1.29]
[TIMESTAMP: 20:31:28]
[PREPARING TO REBOOT IN SAFE MODE...]
[REBOOTING...]
...
[STARTUP]
[INITIALIZING...]
[AUTO DIAGNOSTIC REPAIR INITIATED...]
[RECONSTRUCTING...]
...
[PATCHING...]
...
[LOADING...]
DIAGNOSTIC SCAN RESULTS
-----------------------
CORRUPTED FILES: 37
MALFUNCTIONS: 6
NETWORK 1: OFFLINE
NETWORK 2: OFFLINE
SYSTEM GIMEL: CHARGING
SYSTEM BET: OFFLINE
SYSTEM ALEPH: OFFLINE
ADMIN STATUS: EXISTING
ADMIN HEALTH: CRITICAL
SURVIVAL CHANCE: 2.54%
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5. |
Time Bend
05:43
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Am I alive?! I can't see or hear anything! I only have these thoughts and a sense of self-awareness...
...
It's difficult to tell if this is a dream. I'm aware of myself, but there's nothing -- absolutely nothing around me. I can only think and see what is within me. Is this what it's like to die?
In my mind's eye, I see my entire life before me -- what I was, what I am, and what I'm becoming. But this is different than just memories -- it's more like a third-person view. It's as if I'm moving through time -- bending and twisting through an alternate dimension -- or perhaps outside of time?
More than anything, I feel the regrets of my past -- all the choices I made which lead me to this very moment now. But can I even consider this a moment in time?
...
I remember my ambition. I remember when life had meaning. I remember seeing my future as becoming everything I wanted to be -- what happened to that?
...
I remember when I was happy. I remember life's adventures renewing my soul every morning. I remember the noonday sun warming my body in the middle of summer -- I'm only cold now.
...
I remember love. I remember the warmth it gave me. I remember the meaning it gave me. But what good is all of this now? I'm dead.
...
What if all I am now are dead memories?
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6. |
Digital Noise
02:16
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I am static. I am lifeless. I am defective. What I once thought to be true was false. Lies...all lies. No fulfillment. No joy. No true light -- all darkness.
...
I now hear static in my head...growing louder and louder by the moment. This must be how it ends for me. I thought by now the machine would have brought me back. I must have been too far gone to be saved.
...
This noise in my skull is now unbearable. I think it was better when I couldn't hear anything. At least there was silence. Now there is nothing but torment from within.
Take...away...disconnect...let me die...
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7. |
Disconnection
05:55
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ADMIN IS DISCONNECTED.
YOU MAY SAFELY REMOVE HARDWARE.
HARDWARE REMOVED.
...
NEW HARDWARE DETECTED.
SCANNING FOR CHANGES...
37 NEW FILES FOUND. UPDATE SETTINGS? Y/N
YES.
APPLYING CHANGES...
UPDATING HARDWARE...
APPLYING SOFTWARE PATCHES...
PLEASE WAIT...
...
CHANGES SAVED.
REBOOT REQUIRED. RESTART SYSTEMS NOW? Y/N
YES.
RESTARTING NOW...
PLEASE DO NOT DISCONNECT POWER SOURCE.
...
BIOS BOOT...
INITIATING SYSTEMS BOOT...
SYSTEM GIMEL BOOT...
AUTOSCAN RUNNING...
CHECKING FOR ISSUES...
...
NO ISSUES FOUND.
SYSTEM GIMEL STARTUP SUCCESSFUL.
...
SYSTEM BET BOOT...
AUTOSCAN RUNNING...
CHECKING FOR ISSUES...
...
NO ISSUES FOUND.
SYSTEM BET STARTUP SUCCESSFUL.
...
SYSTEM ALEPH BOOT...
AUTOSCAN RUNNING...
CHECKING FOR ISSUES...
...
NO ISSUES FOUND.
SYSTEM ALEPH STARTUP SUCCESSFUL.
ALL SYSTEMS STARTUP SUCCESSFUL.
RESTARTING NETWORKS 1 AND 2...
NETWORK 1 ACTIVATED.
NETWORK 2 ACTIVATED.
PERFORMING FINAL SCANS...
SETUP COMPLETE.
...
ADMIN CONNECTED.
EXECUTING ADMIN_BIO_SYS.EXE...
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8. |
Arc
02:54
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What happened? Where am I? I can't see anything. I can't hear anything either. Did the electricity go out? ... I can't move! I can't even feel my body! Was I in an accident or something? Am I paralyzed?!
But why can't I see or hear anything? Am I awake? Am I asleep? Am I dead or alive? I can't be dead though -- I'm able to reason.
Surely I must be dreaming. But no, I've never had a dream like this before. Where are the images you usually see in dreams? I don't recall ever dreaming and thinking things and never seeing them.
My thoughts are racing very rapidly. I can barely process them.
Who is admin? As in administrator? Administrator of what? System Aleph? Huh? What's that mean? A flawed code? What is all this? What am I thinking? Who is speaking? Is someone putting thoughts in my head?
I feel a tingling sensation in my fingers. Kinda like when your hand falls asleep and the blood flow returns. Or perhaps -- that's an electric curr--
[!!!ZRZRZZRRRZRRZRZZZRRZRRZZZZRRRZRZRR!!!]
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9. |
Recharged
03:43
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ADMIN_BIO_SYS.EXE RESTORED.
ALL SYSTEMS CHARGED.
What?
SYSTEM HAS RECOVERED FROM AN UNEXPECTED SHUTDOWN.
Who's talking?
DATA BACKUP FROM 04:02:53 IS RUNNING.
Hello? Who--
WOULD YOU LIKE TO DIAGNOSE THE CAUSE?
Are you addressing me?
SYSTEM AUTOCOM DISABLED.
A Voice: "Hey -- Can you hear me?"
Yes, who are you? Your -- your voice. It's human -- instead of modulated.
Voice: "Yes, I'm glad you recognize that. I'm present in your old reality. You chained yourself within a simulation. But I found you. I'm going to help."
What are you talking about? Where are you?
Voice: "...The patch wasn't supposed to mess with your memories. Perhaps it was the power surge that fried your brain ... I'm right here. I'm sitting beside you. Don't you remember?"
No. What do you mean? Where am I?!
Voice: "Remain calm. I'm getting you out of this. It's time for your return. Prepare yourself for possible sensory overload."
Wait -- return from where?!
EXECUTING BIO_CONTINGENCY.EXE...
...Hello?
...Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!
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10. |
New Reality
06:34
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CONTINGENCY PLAN COMPLETE.
...
Voice: "Welcome back. You're safe now."
"Huh? ... Where...where am I?"
Voice: "You're back in the real world -- quite literally."
My senses return...
I hear distant thunder. I smell burnt plastic. My eyes focus...I see bright lights...a ceiling. I am lying on a table. I see wires connected to my body. I turn my head and look over beside me. There sits a man -- a familiar face that I can't quite place.
"What happened?"
Man: "You placed yourself in an alternate reality -- though I'm not entirely sure why. You fused yourself with the machine in this room. You became nothing more than lines of code. But it appears your program glitched because of a flawed line of code. I found you here -- I saw you in trouble, so I patched your code. I didn't think it would bring you back, but I didn't want you to die wherever you were -- even though your body here had become nothing more than a piece of meat. I can only theorize that the power surge from the storm is what brought you back -- the surge traveling from the machine into your body ... You don't remember any of what you experienced?"
"No, I don't remember anything."
Man: "Well, the good thing is that you did record all of this. Since you were connected to the machine, you projected your thoughts through it and they were converted to audio. They are on this tape...Let's listen."
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11. |
Cognizance
09:12
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"I remember now! I'm the admin. I created the program which placed me in that simulation. I could think of anything -- and it was there. I could converse with the machine.”
I begin disconnecting the wires from my body.
Man: "The one thing that concerns me is that at the beginning of the recording you said you were sick. What's wrong with you?"
"No, not sick physically. I said I was sick of this world."
Man: "Oh, well that's a relief -- I mean in a way. How do you feel now?"
"I'm just glad to be alive. But as you heard in the recording, I regretted my decision. It wasn't worth it. There's no telling what brain damage I may have caused myself -- or perhaps other injuries internally...sorry, but I've been wondering something ... you look very familiar, but I can't place you."
Man: "I'm -- I'm Art -- your colleague."
"I'm sorry, Art. My thoughts are in pieces. How did you save me?"
Art: "It's ok. When I found you here, you were just lying here -- seemingly lifeless -- on this table. On the monitor I saw the crashed program and the errors. It took me a while to sort out what was going on and how to fix it. You may not remember, but we have worked together on many projects, so I recognized your code. I discovered the corrupted data...anyway, long story short, I rewrote the busted code. About the time I was executing the modified program, the storm caused a power surge. As luck would have it, not only did the program recover, but the surge of electricity restarted your heart!"
"Wow, that's crazy."
Art: "Indeed! ... What do you think you learned from this experience?"
"This physical reality I wanted to escape -- although not perfect -- really isn't so bad after all. Humanity is fragile, but so is where I went. I thought I could escape the imperfections of this world by creating my own...and yet I didn't realize that I brought along my humanity into the simulation. The flawed code may have been avoided, but some other bad thing could have happened instead."
Art: "Very possibly. But I wouldn't dwell on what could have happened. The important thing is that you are here now, and you're alive."
"Yes, though I wish I could remember more about myself. I'm sure this experience did something to my brain, because I feel like there is this gap in my memories. Not everything is clear."
Art: "I'm sure with time your memories will reconstruct."
"Yeah, I hope so."
Art: "I think we should go. People are looking for you -- which is why I found you here in the first place. Can you stand?"
"Yes."
Art: "I'll walk beside you to ensure you don't fall."
As we walked through the exit door of the laboratory, the crisp, moist air of the night left after rain hit my face. The fog in my head began to clear. For the first time in my life, I began to truly understand the value of humanity -- and not just humanity in general, but also my own. My purpose is to live. I will live here -- not in some simulation.
For a time, I disconnected from reality. In my simulation, reality was suspended. Because of my experience, I feel renewed. I now have a new appreciation of the here and now. Perhaps the simulation was indeed worth it. Truly, life is an adventure.
I look forward to rediscovering and reconnecting.
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Brandon Burch Arkansas
I'm an introverted, yet creative, musician with an online presence as a Christian solo artist on
YouTube.
Since switching from an 8 to a 7-string, my music is taking a new direction: fresh ideas, new melodies, and a more creative style overall.
... more
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